The Accident

I call this post The Accident because today I experienced every mother's worst nightmare...accidentally harming your own child. Let me preface this story by saying that Maddy is perfectly fine. Though I am currently recovering from the emotional trauma.

Here goes:

Last week one of Maddy's hemangiomas (birthmark) started bleeding. I went to the dermatologist on Monday and she prescribed an antibiotic to prevent an infection. Unfortunately the medication made everything worse and the hemangioma began to ulcerate. After several days of worsening symptoms, I decided to go and see the dermatologist this morning.

According to the dermatologist, Maddy had most likely experienced an allergic reaction to the medication. She told me that I needed to go to another specialist this coming Monday and that I needed a referral from my pediatrician. Since my pediatrician is only a block from the dermatologist, she suggested that I walk over there in order to expedite the process. I agreed and started walking over there.

Now in New York City there are two types of curbs, steep ones and shallow ones. Unfortunately I came to a steep curb with a huge grate directly beneath it. This is where everything went wrong. I usually bump the stroller down a curb with the hind wheels. However, this time I decided to place my front wheels down first. The combination of the steep curb, the grate, and my speed (I was in a hurry to get my referral and get Maddy home for a nap), caused my front wheels to get stuck and flipped the stroller over onto its front side, whacking Maddy on the concrete. To make matters worse I fell directly onto the stroller, crushing her beneath the stroller.

My heart sank, I was absolutely certain that I had cracked Maddy's skull and killed her. I jumped off the stroller and flipped it over. I pulled my crying baby from the carnage and ran off of the street. Several people gathered around telling me that I needed to get Maddy to a doctor. Someone even mentioned that I should take her to the doctor's office around the corner, I feebly replied that I was already going there. A stranger picked up my broken phone, broken stroller (I broke the wheel off and most likely messed up the frame: a testament to how hard I fell on the stroller) and walked with me to the doctor.

I was absolutely numb. I couldn't speak. When I explained what happened to the doctor they immediately took me back and examined Maddy. They told me that she didn't have a concussion and she did not have any broken bones. She just had a red mark on her forehead and a red line down her cheek and several marks on her body (All of which disappeared pretty quickly).

Suddenly my emotions waved over me, I started to cry and couldn't stop. I sat down, put my head in my hands, and sobbed. I couldn't breathe, my lips went numb. I repeated over and over again that I was a horrible mother and that I was so scared because I thought I had killed her. Finally when I regained some composure they handed Maddy back to me. I had her on my hip and she had her arm around me. I was still sobbing when I looked over at her. She was looking at me with overwhelming concern on her face. It is like she was trying to figure out why her mom was crying. I felt like she was trying to comfort me, saying "look mom, I am OK. There is no need to cry". It was so cute that I chuckled amidst my tears.

What I learned:

1. Take more time, be more cautious.
2. I have great friends. I called Rebecca Matone from the doctor's office, crying and asking her to come and get me. She dropped everything and came immediately. She even let me stay at her house until I had calmed down. I don't think that I could have handled this experience alone. I would probably still be crying. Thanks Rebecca!
3. The people of New York are great.
4. Angels really do watch over our children. I wish you guys could have seen what happened. I have not exaggerated the horrendous nature of this accident, and yet my baby does not have a scratch on her.
5. My daughter is the most important thing in the world to me. Of course I already knew this, but when things like this happen it reminds us anyway.

This picture shows how I broke it.



This picture shows how the stroller fell. Maddy was lucky the sun visor was down. The sun visor lessened the force with which Maddy hit the ground. It probably saved her life that it was raining outside. I put the shoe underneath the stroller handles in hopes of simulating how it would have looked with the squished sun visor.